what is this guilt
this deep, strong
guilt of living, of life?
what is the word for it?
climbing the stairs and panting
sleeping safely in a room
occasionally waking up with a few mosquito bites
going to watch a movie
and feeling courageous of not standing
eating, thrice a day, sometimes even more
and then exercising to lose it
the sheer possibility to waste,
tons and tons of waste
to be waited upon
paying at the end of the month
and getting paid, at the same time
having opinions and the liberty to voice them out
and accumulate likes on social media
missing home, family
how is it possible to be guilty
and cherish the reason behind it, at the same time?
to preserve it, the guilt, within,
to not let it out, cage it inside
and remain punished solely by oneself?